Do's & Dont's When Requesting A Song!

I DIDNT WRITE THIS BUT IT SURE IS RIGHT!! LOL

Nightclub Etiquette: How to Request a Song from the DJ

by Daddy Dangles

When you think of a nightclub DJ, you probably imagine a guy with some cool job perks- getting into clubs free, meeting all the women and making a few hundred dollars a week for only a couple hours of work.

What you probably don't think of is the dark side of deejaying in a nightclub: being stuck in an often cramped DJ booth mixing 3 minute songs continuously for 4 hours straight while the strobe light drives you to seizures and drunken bimbos and wannabe playas nag you with song requests and shout outs on the mic.

Having deejayed in nightclubs myself since 1997, I thought I would do the world a favor and put together a list of Do's and Don'ts that will make the DJ's job a little easier by helping your drunk ass learn the proper way to request a song next time you're in the club.

Do…

…Tip the DJ - There’s usually not too much a DJ won't play if you tip him well enough. Also, the better the tip, the faster you’re gonna hear your song- so if you come up to the DJ talkin' bout "I wanna hear it next," you better make damn sure you have a $20 bill in your hand or you’re gonna hear that shit when the DJ feels damn good and ready to play it.

…Show yer Tits – Coming in a close second to tips is its cousin, tits. Flashing them hawgs is almost (but not quite) as effective as money when getting a DJ to play something. Allowing the DJ to fondle 'em is even better. But make sure you have a nice pair, and you’re generally attractive otherwise. Ugly tits, or even nice tits on an ugly chick, can actually hurt your chances of getting a song played. Nobody wants to listen to something that ugly chicks with nasty tits are dancing to. Also, buttcheeks in thongs work just as well as exposed mammaries for most DJ's. (Disclaimer: this strategy may not work on female or gay DJ's.

…Give the DJ a Hit - Depending on the club and its security, sometimes it's nice to give the DJ a puff of your fine hand rolled cigar. It can be frustrating as a DJ to smell the fresh pine aroma wafting through the air as you’re trapped in the booth with nothing but a stale Corona and half a Black & Mild to hold you over. Let the DJ get in on that, and he might play your song out of appreciation. But don't be stupid and try to light up in a club that has a strictly enforced policy about smoking just to make nice with the DJ. As much as he appreciates the sentiment, he won't bail you out of jail if you get busted. So make sure others are burning and be discreet. A beer, drink or shot might work as well- depending on whether or not the DJ is willing to drink something your funky ass gives him.

Don't…

…Say Stupid Shit – There is an extensive list of clichés people say when requesting songs from the DJ, all of which drive DJ's insane and make you look like a dumbass. Here are a few examples: "Play something we can dance to!" It's not my fault you either have no rhythm, or you're too drunk to dance. "Everybody wants to hear it!" Who the hell made you spokesman for the whole club? Did you take a poll or something? "I'll get laid if you play it!" Why the hell do I care if you get laid? I'll play that shit when I get laid. "Play it now 'cause I'm about to leave!" If you're just gonna leave after I play it, why the hell would I be in a rush to play it? How bout I play it last and you stick around 'til then, tough guy. "I wanna hear it next!" Please refer back to the section on tips.

…Hang Over The DJ Until He Plays Your Song – Look- request your song and keep it moving. Don't stick around and wait for me to play it. There is nothing worse than a drunken imbecile hanging around the DJ booth waiting for me to play their song, asking "Is that it? Is it coming up next???" every time I put a new record on the turntable. If you don't want me to get on the mic and tell everyone in the club you have chlamydia and five strains of herpes virus, I suggest you make your request then quickly go back about your business.

…Sing for the DJ – Whatever you do, if you can't remember the name of the song, DO NOT TRY TO SING IT FOR THE DJ. This isn't karaoke. I'm here to play music, not listen to drunks do their worst American Idol reject impression. If you can't remember the name of the song then it's probably not that damn important to you, is it? People don't forget the names of things that are important to them, which is why I already forgot the name of your mother.

So there you have it, party people- the ins and outs of getting your song request played at the club. An invaluable life lesson brought to you for free by your pal Daddy Dangles. Don't say I never gave you anything.